March of Dimes

As I’ve learned to navigate my way through the blogosphere, I’ve had the privelidge to read so many stories that give me a little peace with my own batch of stories.  That kind of all emcompassing peace that reminds me that I’m not so alone in the blessings that have graced my family as well as the heartache that the darker side of life can bring.

Lately, it’s been hard not to remember the darkest time in my life.  With the March of Dimes gearing up of the annual March for Babies this spring and having stumbled across stories like Seth’s, C’s at Parenting the Tiniest of Miracles, and Maddie Spohr’s, memories of my first NICU experience have been stirring around. 

Meet my Maddie.

My first born and my only daughter, Madison Elisabeth, was born 15 weeks too soon due to complications of a nasty placental infection I had contracted called chorioamnionitis.  I had began spotting the morning of June 9, 2003.  I was advised to take it easy until my doctor could see me at 4 that afternoon.  When that appointment finally came around (I don’t think I’ve spent a longer afternoon in my life!), it was confirmed that I was already dilated to 4 with a bulging aminotic sac.  Magnesium sulphate began to course its way through my veins, a betamethasone shot was given, and I was rushed by ambulance to a hospital that could accomadate micropreemies.  Without ever feeling a contraction and inspite of the medical staff’s best efforts, my water broke and Maddie entered the world minutes later managing to eek out the tiniest “mew.”

As she was rushed into the adjoining room, I remember feeling my arms tingle and grow heavy.  I had never physically ached to be with someone my whole life, and here I was feeling like if I didn’t get a chance to hold her that I was going to die.  Nine days, several seizures, and two grade 4 bilatteral brain hemorrhages later, I finally had the chance to rock her in my arms.  The doctors had asked my husband and I to make an impossible decision and  today was the day we were saying goodbye. 

I remember asking God for a sign that this was ok, that this was the right thing to do, that I was still a good mom.  Her heart rate dropped all but a few seconds later and kept going lower and lower.  When she couldn’t bring herself out of it, I knew it was ok to take off the wires, the tape, the needles, and all of the other bells and whistles that were covering up my sweet baby girl.

My husband and I took turns holding her, rocking her, waiting for her heart to beat its last beat.  I don’t know if there is anything as horrifying and peaceful at the same time as holding your child as they leave the world.  Knowing I was with her and whispering to her everything I could think of that I might have wanted to share with her over an expected lifetime made it a little bit more bearable.  At least she wasn’t alone.  At least we were there.

My daughter’s story and the other children mentioned above are just a few of the reasons why I’m hoping you’ll donate to the March of Dimes.  This organization works so hard in the hopes of having every baby be born healthy, happy, and full term.  The money raised supports programs in your community that help moms achieve those goals and funds research for the problems that affect preemies. 

Our family is walking to celebrate the lives of our twins who were born at 33 weeks and, luckily, had a much happier outcome than our frist time around the bend with premature birth (you can read about their birth story HERE).  We are also walking in rememberance of Maddie who would have been 6 years old this June.

If you can spare the extra money, please think about donating through the big purple March of Dimes box on the left or through any other person trying to raise money for an incredible organization.  If you should choose to donate, I’m offering 10 extra entried to any of my giveaways if you do it through my site.  Simply leave 10 extra comments on each giveaway you wish to enter.