What a weekend.

Seriously, I’m so tired that my emotions are a jumbled pile of Iloveyouihateyouwhyareyoubreathingnearmenocomebacknogetthehellawayfromme.

No, I’m not pregnant.

I had an amazing time as an official Energizer ChargeHer. Not only did I get the job of spreading the Target giftcard love around by offering up USBs and opportunities to blog about the new Energizer Charger, but it gave me the chance to do a lot of things and meet a lot of people I wouldn’t have otherwise talked to. It’s not like I could just jet past people, tossing flash drives in their general diretion and hoping that they don’t ask me any questions. I had to offer it up, let them know that they had a chance at some Target cash, and usually I’d launch into some embarrassing story to put people at ease or make them immensely uncomfortable with my knack for TMI. Self deprecation is totally my thing.

So is adding “Captain” in front of any insult I’m about to hurl at you. If you hear Captain, you’re not going to like the adjective that follows it.

But I digress.

This weekend was a 10 on the Richter scale of epic embarrassment. No joke. On Friday, I’m at the Getting Gorgeous party trying on these amazing jeans when Alison comes back behind the privacy partition and tells me that I’ve got to try on the jeggings. I’m weary. As a general rule, I try not to wear anything that makes me look like lycra and I are besties, but we end up being the same size so I take her word for it. I try them on and I’m told they look amazing. I bend over to take them off and the ass that these jeans made look so amazing betrays me and bumps into the partition, knocking it down. I attempt to get out of the way, and end up half falling half tripping my way out of view with these damn jeans around my knees. What does Liz do? Liz acts concerned and then laughs at me. Alison tells me everyone will think it’s her. I get dressed, step out, and am treated to several people asking me if I’m ok and a few, “Cute undies!”

Yes. Most people kill for them, I assure you.

Also on Friday?  A dance-off, courtesy of the Ubisoft team in promotion of Just Dance 2.  The dance contest was, I assumed, in the bag. I’m good at video games (go ahead, challenge me at Guitar Hero. See what happens.) and I was a dancer.

No. Like, ballet dancing. Tap dancing. Not EXOTIC dancing. HA! Can you even imagine that?

No. Don’t.

Seriously.

So I make it to the finals and the four of us are shaking it to Crazy in Love and I’m watching the screen and thinking, “Oh, hello grand prize!” and reminding myself to hug the other girls and tell them great job even though I totally kicked their asses.

I step forward on the stage like a total asshole, all Mary Catherine Gallagher like, down on one knee with both arms raised and the victory signs with my fingers and yell out this obnoxious, WHOOOOO! like a sorority girl that’s had one too many cheap beers.

I didn’t win.
I DIDN’T WIN.

The girl next to me did.

Of course, I try and cover it and make it seem like maybe I’ve started happy hour early or maybe I’ve just got a lot of happy energy and I’m a good sport and I’m cheering her on. .

I was assured it looked exactly like it played out.

I know, right? Such a douche canoe.

Later this same night, as if my social retardation hasn’t alienated enough people, I suck down two mojitos in the span of about 5 minutes (they were so tasty!) and start talking to the bartender about Ohio mojitos and how they just don’t make them like they do here in New York. Casey has the decency to smack me in the back and tell me to shut the hell up. He doesn’t care about Ohio mojitos. I probably shouldn’t either. You see, I’d never had a mojito before. I don’t drink. Like, ever. This probably explains why he shook his head and laughed at me when I asked him what kind of tequila was in it.

The next day, however, is when the real magic took place. Decked out in my beautiful lime green polo shirt that made me look both in the family way and sickly (never, EVER, where florescent tones with pale skin) I took to the stage and once again made it the finals. This time though, something was different. During the first round, I had to pee. Bad. Really bad. With all of the jumping and dancing and moving around, do I really need to explain what happened?

I am a walking abstinence ad. I should be getting paid.

Does Liz help me? No. Liz goes into a monologue from Ricky Bobby about pee pants. Casey laughs hysterically. I start musing about finding new friends and possibly having to undergo some kind of bladder placement surgery so that I don’t piss myself every time I decide to get involved in a public dance competiton. I mean, what if I end up in a Step Up or Starsky and Hutch type situation? No one will take me seriously if I suffer from mommy bladder mid dance-off! There goes my street cred.

Along with my pride…..goodbye pride.

Ok, so it wasn’t that bad. It’s not like a let loose and had a Singing in the Rain situation going on stage. It was still embarrassing though.

The rest of the conference really doesn’t hold a candle to those shenanigans but it was amazing nonetheless. I made it to the 2nd round of the Hillshire Farms sponsored sandwich competition. I made some great contacts and met some amazing women that I hope I keep in touch with for the foreseeable future. I even got to try out the XBox’s new product. I’m not sure what I can say about it. Just know that it’s going to completely blow your mind.

The best thing about the conference though?

Meeting these girls. They were nice enough to laugh when I was trying to quickly tell them I was going back to the “hotel” and it came out “hell.” While I was on the escalator. Going down.

Did you go this year? Are you going next year? Tell me about it!

I know I don’t do a lot of giveaways anymore.

At all, actually.

I agreed to do this one, however, because not only do I completely support the product, but I have the actual giveaways in my hot little hands so I don’t need to worry about anyone else shipping them to the winners. And because I love music. But you already knew that.

I was recently introduced to the Rattles, a new kid friendly band that’s a little less Raffi and a lot more They Might be Giants. This in itself is a total win for me. The less I have to hear “Apples and Bananas,” the better off I’ll be.

Most annoying song. Ever.

The Rattles are represented by four animated animals -Gus, Kitty, Sal, and Hal- that play a kid approved fusion of classic rock and power pop. The catchy tunes have become a car ride staple for my 3 boys. Their song, “Rattle On” is rockin’ enough that I will freely admit to listening to it in the car. While I’m alone. I may or may not know all the words.

Very Monkee-esque, no?

Visit their site to get more info to ease your curiousity. They’ve got printable pictures for coloring, a fan club, and a place to watch music videos, learn lyrics, or just listen to songs off of their debut album. The Rattles are also all over the social media front! Follow them on Twitter, fan them on Facebook, or friend them on MySpace.

Are you in desperate need of some adult-friendly kid music? I have 4 copies to give away compliments of The Rattles. Leave me a comment here telling me what you liked about their website. If you followed them on Twitter or Facebook, let me know that, too. Those will count for extra giveaway entries.

The winners will be notified no later than 11:59 pm EST August 18, 2010.

This URL so isn’t me anymore. 

I started this blog while pregnant and soon after lept at the chances that were given to me to review products and blog about toys and cleaning liquids from a mom’s viewpoint. 

Do you know what I really want to do?

I want to talk about politics.  I want to scream about the music I think you should be listening to at the top of my lungs because I am completely obsessed with it. I want to make my blog more me and less mommy. I spend 23 hours a day being a mom. The time I sneak away to be on the computer and blah blah blah on my blog, I just want to be Sarah. I don’t like bringing my babies into the blogging arena anyway. They’re so precious to me and I don’t feel right about sharing their stories. Those are mine. Don’t be surprised if you start finding a lot more music reviews on here or a bold statement or six that might rub you the wrong way because I hop up on a soapbox and decide to rattle off exactly what I think sucks and why it is so. You might also pop on here one day and find me permanently MIA with a forwarding site address because I’ve finally had enough of being “queen mommy.”

I don’t know.

What I do know is that reviewing cleaning products and pitching car seats is so not my thing.

BlogHer is going to be here before I know it.

You know what that means?

It means I’m hopping onto a plane (aka winged death trap) and I’ll be praying to God, because obviously I become overtly religious when there’s a possibility I might die in the hour and change it takes to hop on over to LaGuardia.  I’ll be popping Xanax, starting happy hour at 10 am, and probably chanting “I’ve gotta get out of here!” to myself.

Line forms to the left.

I catastrophize. I can play out the million and one things that could go wrong on this flight and have pretty much convinced myself that the odds are entirely not in my favor.

It really is so exhausting being me.

Are you freaked out about flying? Are you smart and choosing to stay on the ground, where God intended? What do you do to talk yourself out of planning for your imminent death? I need to know.

Have you ever heard of the Siren Festival?  Me either.  Not up until a few months ago anyway.  Spinner has this awesome playlist.  Apache Beat, Surfer Blood, and The Pains of Being Pure at Heart made it on here.  “Swim” by Surfer Blood has been of my absolute favorite songs this summer.  Definitely give it a listen.

Like country?  People magazine and iTunes put together this playlist for your I-lost-my-dog-I-wrecked-my-truck-I’m-so-heartbroken listing pleasure.  Country does not ever, under any circumstance, make it on to my iPod, but that’s no reason to keep it from you.  Enjoy your depressing banjo music.  I’m going to go blast Gossip.

“Like” iTunes on Facebook and get the Warped Tour and Lollapalooza samplers.  I’m not a huge fan of the Warped Tour bands, as I kinda left that stage when I hit 17, but the Lollapalooza sampler is definitely worth downloading.  Who am I kidding?  It’s always worth the download.  Play “Felicia” by the Constellations first.  It is one of their best songs and Elijah Jones has one of the most unique voices I’ve ever heard.  In my oppinion, not sounding like everyone else adds some staying power to your band.  But that’s neither here nor there.  Just download it.

There’s an awesome 15-track playlist available from Spin Magazine and iTunes with some great bands on it.  Tame Impala and The Henry Clay People are definitely worth listening too. They’ve also got a little Lollapalooza action of their own.

Pitchfork has a sampler of their festival available thru emusic.  This does require a sign up, but sign up comes with 45 free song downloads plus the sampler, so it’s really a pretty good deal, especially seeing as how you can cancel your membership right after you donwload your music and not be charged a penny.

Last, but certainly not least, go check out the free albums at AmazonMP3.  Type in sampler in the search bar and take advantage of the billion and a half free sampler albums available!  Really, the amount of free music they give away is ridiculous.  While you’re at it, check out their monthly supply of $5 albums  (this month they’ve got Broken Bells’ self-titled debut, Passion Pit’s Manners, Silversun Pickups’ Caranvas and Arcade Fire’s amazing Funeral just to name a few).  You won’t regret it.  Follow them on twitter, too.  You’ll find out what the album of the day is (usually priced at $2.99 or $3.99) and will be kept aware on available freebies.

I told you about my garden.

Things have started to come in.

Now- what in the hell do I do with all of it?!

Garden Slug

Find more Wordless Wednesday at 5 Minutes For Mom, HUB, Mom Start,
My Organized Chaos, and JLeighDesinz

Welcome to Monday Mingle! 

This week’s questions (er, answers):

1. Facebook – most definitely!
2. Probably when I was about three – cooking with my mom.
3. I would have to say the city/town of Petrolia, California

Untitled from Queen Mommy on Vimeo.

(Creepy video pause-face…..blargh)

Next Week’s Questions:

Why would I make a good ChargeHer?

Aside from the friendly, outgoing, go-getter personality and my feminine wiles?

I know first hand how the Energizer Smart Charger helps moms like me and what it’s like to be a ChargeHer already.  Let me show you:

A Day in the Life of a ChargeHer from Queen Mommy on Vimeo.
(That last line is: “Does he think I run on batteries?” I’ve had a few tell me they had difficulty hearing it.)

Other reasons I’d make a great ChargeHer:

I’m social, I know the product, I’m fun to be around, and I don’t take advantage of the free drinks at BlogHer so I won’t be too drunk to pass out flash drives or realize that my Energizer t-shirt is on inside-out and backwards (hardy har har).

In closing:

Pick me. Choose me. Love me. And what do I plan on doing with the sponsorship should I win aside from enthusiastically promoting Energizer? I’ll be replenishing the funds that it took to get me to BlogHer, taking care of the hotel for my roomies and I, and buying dinner and taxi fare for these ladies.

I love them. They are my recharge.

It goes without saying that I will more than happily do the following if given the $2,000 sponsorship from Energizer via BarefootMomma and Kailani:

1.  Distribute USB drives with information about the Energizer Smart Charger (*in accordance with BlogHer regulations)

2.  Help spread the message that….

• One of the USB drives contains a $500 gift card to Target (there will be contact information to redeem)

• Tell my friends to write a blog about the Energizer Smart Charger between Aug. 6 – Aug. 27.  If they do, they will receive a $10 gift card to Target and an Energizer Smart Charger.  Energizer contact information will be on the USB drive for those to submit links to their posts.  The friends don’t have to attend the show to get the swag as long as they post!

3.  Wear Energizer branded t-shirts

4.  Write three posts about my experience using the Energizer Smart Charger and tweet regularly at the show using the hashtag #energizer

Lastly, this post was written on my own accord in the hopes of winning a $2,000 sponsorship from Energizer.

I have been a little obsessed with flash mobs every since I saw this:

How cool is it to get thousands of people together that all know that same dance, blast some music, and suddenly go through a routine only to walk off after the music ends like nothing spectacular just happened?!

IT’S AMAZING!

So, with that being said; I want to do one.  I want to start  BlogHer flash mob. 

I’ve been wanting to do a post on this since around March, but didn’t get serious about it until I started talking to @PrincessJenn last night on Twitter and she only through gasoline onto this fire.  I think both us would like to be able to come up with some kind of kick ass choreographed routine and do it out in Time Square while the Naked Cowboy looks on, but due to permits and all of the other red tape a flash mob has to go through to get approved; it ain’t gonna happen.

So, @PrincessJenn and I have decided to flash mob a karaoke bar…kind of. 

Fine…so it’s a really tame flash mob.  Get over it.  We’ll be totally schnockered and that’ll make it less lame by default.  

I know….it’s not dancing in the street like the crazy bloggers we are and it doesn’t involve getting naked or streaking (sorry Jenn) but it’s still going to be fun.

Wednesday night.  Pulse Karaoke.  Sing.  Drink.  Be merry.  Make some memories that you’ll forget by Thursday morning because I will have tricked you into going shot for shot with me!   Sign the McLinky below if you’re interested!

And while we’re at it, who would be interested IF, by some miracle of God, we could pull of a real flash mob? From the research I’ve done, it would take a lot of time and securing permits to get something indoors or that involves music so I’m thinking breaking out into some fun song in Time Square. Just a thought. “Walking on Sunshine” perhaps? “Safety Dance?” Would you be in? Sign the McLinky and give me a good song choice. You know, something we’ll all look extra jack-assy singing.